I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
