i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
