i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
