miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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