A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
