So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize