***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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