i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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