So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize