Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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