I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
