Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
