i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
