You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
