I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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