This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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