oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
