Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
