you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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