Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
