These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
