What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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