peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
