Can Purell be used as lube?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
