Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
