ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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