never play flip cup with pint glasses
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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