Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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