I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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