Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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