life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
