I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
