i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
