I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
