Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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