I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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