I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
