Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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