mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize