2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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