how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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