just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
