You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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