Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
