Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
