I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Randomize