I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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