theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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