I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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