you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
