I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
