so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
