Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
