dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
