did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
