I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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