the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
