you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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