In the future we'll all be gay
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
