i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize