I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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