I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Two words: nipple clamps
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