They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
