I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
