There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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