I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
