Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love accidental penises.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
