how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
