What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
