This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
