i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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